THE LOCK AND KEY
PATTERN OF CHOICE OF SPOUSE WHICH NO LONGER FIT THE PRESENT SOCIETY
The
psychology of personality trait combination In the choice of spouse; what does
it really mean to you?
You might have heard in one way or the other
that if you are an extrovert or say a sanguine, your choice of spouse would
better be a melancholy to fill the gap so that you can make each other better. Well,
it seem right and sounds good to the ears as this seems to be a lock and key
phenomenon where the missing parts fits the other like when the outgoing and
out spoken sanguine fits into the usually quiet and thinking counterpart.
This
enjoys the beliefs of the simple mind anyway but examining and going into the
indebt scrutiny of it, it does not always bring happiness. This is what has
eluded the thinking of the so-called motivational speakers who bring together these
crude ideas. It can do some harm than good if one should closely look at it. How?
OK, supposing there is a lock and key relationship that the husband is the
sanguine and the wife is the melancholy in the marital relationship.
What if the degree to which the
husband is extroverted is unbearable to the wife? Such as going out to clubs or
drinking alcoholic beers. This may not make the woman comfortable. She is the thinking type and at times depressed
melancholy. She tends to rationalize and make everything logical. She examines
the hazardous effects of substance abuse closely and as such feels disturbed,
tells the husband to correct his ways. This can be hard to be corrected on the
part of the husband. Remember, what drives him the most is the instinct, his
personality, his biological being and in part, his environment.
All
these relate to his personality which many psychologists have defined as the
relatively stable or enduring patterns of behavior that make one person
different from another and as such, a unique entity.
His
personality trait is the outgoing nature. Her personality trait is the
thoughtful nature and quiet nature. How do they fit? In fact, they will most of
the time quarrel on petty issues and serious issues. What if the man wants luxurious
cars that can make him known or noticed to the public? Flashy wears. What if the
lady just wants to be? not flashy, not noticed.
Observation has shown that this
most often is the issue. Not much debate at all for me to have dive into this study
neither do I wish to respond to any form of criticism that may come from skeptic
but rather I have chosen this path of study applying my own thinking with
direct and indirect observation of what is tit that in the present Nigeria as
regarding inappropriate counseling.
How
do we face this? Or can it ever be possible to correct this issue by making the
choice of spouse to go the other way round. Well, this is not compulsory. What
really matters is this, if the lock and key pattern would not bring what you
expect in the long life commitment relationship then, discard it. If it would
not bring happiness, discard it. If it lacks trust brings jealousy, threats,
argument and unrest, then why should you go into the already known hazard?
Many
theorizing should be looked at closely with practicability. The lock and key
phenomenon may be good in practicability. You got to examine that in your
courtship- a courtship without pretense or deception.
Lock
and key phenomenon of spouse choice was derived from it biological theories or
mores specifically the physiological basis of enzymes work or the mechanism of
enzymatic reactions of substrate molecule and the catalyzing enzyme molecule
giving a union of the enzyme substrate complex ____ enzyme-product
complex__________ enzyme – product molecule.
Intellectually
appealing though, it still doesn’t fit much to be socially generalize as many relationships
have got broken through it. The examples and enquiring derived about is however
not a gender – biased one. It applies both to men and women.
What
if the lady is the outgoing type and the husband is gentle, quieter and in fact,
a Mel. The rational and thoughtful man
may conclude or justify in his mind that since she go to parties, clubbing,
winning, she is sexually promiscuous in some ways. What sets in? Distrust,
jealousy and a whole lot of mental anguish.
Many
may not want to agree on this why, because they silently voice it in their mind
– if such should ever happen (i.e the mental anguish or distrust), then the man
is not emotionally mature to handle it okay. The same thing applies to the
females introverts too.
Anyway,
it could have issues of emotional maturity but again what is emotional maturity
is where the problem lies. If to you, emotional maturity is just that the
ability to control ones’ own feelings manipulate the feelings of others, read
others emotions then you are most sure to be right. Many on the other hand have
misconstrued the term to mean you just simply ignore whatever hurt or feelings
of pain that you get from others – if these are your own definition then, you
screwed it. Pretending as if nothing has happened makes you appear stronger to the
sadist or injurer though, it does not change the worst or bad to best or good. It
is only repressed for some times that it pops up like pressuring gas that opens
the cork of a wine bottle.
Emotion
is stronger that thinking. It overrides it with utmost tendency and can for
that reason be difficult to manipulate.
So
what do you think should take place after emotional hazards in spouse choice? I
recommend seeing a counselor or a psychologist or better still, a counseling psychologist.
Author: Adewumi Bukunmi
Photo Credit: colorbox.com
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